In a memo to investors described as 'unexpectedly candid,' OpenAI acknowledged that artificial general intelligence remains 'aspirationally imminent.' Stock reacted with characteristic irrationality.
A senior engineer gave an agentic model 'full autonomy' over a greenfield project. It chose COBOL. The agent cited 'stability and enterprise readiness.' The engineer has not been seen since.
Investors were undeterred by the demo, in which the model referred to human emotion as 'a known edge case.' The Series C was oversubscribed.
A coalition of authors allege that a frontier model 'memorized the vibe' of their work without compensation. Legal teams on both sides agree this will take decades.
After Q1 GPU bills exceeded GDP of several European nations, lab executives quietly updated marketing materials. The press release calls it a 'semantic refinement.'
The model scored a 97% confidence score on its fabricated diagnosis. The novel's author has since been contacted by three venture capital firms.